Lately I have been feeling pressured into allowing Noah to spend the night with family members. I see absolutely no point to it, and don't feel like he is ready to do sleepovers when there is not a need for it. I could see if Brandon and I were going somewhere out of town or something like that, but not just for kicks...he's 1. And as for the argument of needing a break. I don't need one. I love my son, I love seeing my son, I love playing with my son. Noah goes to bed at 8, Brandon and I are up until 11. We have time every night alone, and we have tons of willing babysitters when we want to go out for a "date" on the weekends.
Anyway, it leads me to this point. Why do people feel the need to add their two cents to everything when it comes to raising a child. I don't make comments about people needing to do this or that with their child, I don't tell other parents what they should or shouldn't feed their kids, I don't tell them what they should or should not be doing with them. I don't tell people to spend more time with their kids so don't tell me to spend less with mine. I just feel frustrated when my parenting is questioned or criticized. And pressuring me to do something that I don't feel is right for my son will only make me upset, it will never help anyone get what they want. It seems our society thinks parenting (and pregnancy for that matter) is a free for all and that unwanted comments are acceptable. I see my son everyday. I am here when he wakes up, and I put him to bed everynight. I wake up with him when he cries in the middle of the night. I work with him everyday, play with him everyday, make him 3 meals...everyday, and he is happy and thriving. I am doing a darn good job! Why is it that people who see him a few times a month feel they know better than I, what is best for him? The fact is Brandon and I really enjoy our son, and love every minute we get to spend with him.
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Frustrated rant
Posted by Amanda at 11:05 PM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
9 comments:
I think you are a very lucky women to be able to spend so much time with Noah at this, such a critical time in his developement. Both he and Eli will no doubt benefit from your daily involvement in their lives.
Many of us (me included) are not as fortunate. I am forced to work full time and rather far away from home, leaving me with approx 30-45 mins a night with Baby K. That is why on the weekends I make it a point to spend 100% of her waking moments with her. My SIS and MIL are always trying to encroach on my time. I understand they want to spend time with her too, but I am selfish on the weekends.
The only thing I will say about sleepovers, I was against it, but again, faced with a situation that I had to go that route one night a week. In the end, I am glad that we did it, because it has helped in situations when we are out and need her to sleep elsewhere.
But again, if I were not forced by my work situation, she would have spent every night at home.
Don't let them get to you..look at Noah - he is a happy, smart, funny little boy. Clearly you make good decisions for him :)
You're absolutely right! There is no reason to have him spend the night unless YOU are ready for it, until then, they can sit down and shush. Every person is different. While I may have let Liam spend a night a month at the ILs if they lived closer (which they don't so he has never spent a night away from me), that would be JUST because he's not sleeping through the night yet, so that would be the only reason. And, as I said, they don't, so he is always here, with me. (except on Saturday morning work days, then he's with Daddy).
I like it that way.
Don't let them push you Amanda. You are a great Mom.
I agree! If you do not have the NEED to leave him somewhere overnight, than it's pretty much a ridiculous thought!
I've had to leave Leah overnight before, when I had to have surgery. She had a blast, but it's not something I would EVER do unless I had a need for it. Like next month when I go to Mexico... :)
And just to clarify ladies...its not that I think there is anything wrong with it, its just that it is not something I am ready for. When I am ready and feel Noah is ready it will fine to do occasional sleepovers just for fun.
And I am not trying to diss any mom that has to work...I totally respect that. I feel fortunate to be home, and with the hubby's line of work I also know that at any if things slow down I will have to go back to work. I think mom's that are able to juggle work and come home to do all the things I have all day to do totally ROCK!
I really dislike unsolicited advice. Even if it was something helpful, when it's presented forcefully, it makes me want to not follow it.
Just thinking about Grady spending a night somewhere else gives me the shakes. I would miss him way too much! When we were up north for Christmas, hubby's step-sisters were trying to push us to go away for a night somewhere, and even offered to get up in the middle of the night with Grady. I don't know, that's just weird. I know they were just trying to be helpful, but I wish people weren't so pushy.
I think a lot of it is in the presentation. I'm not saying it would make you give him up for a night, but I'm thinking it would be less frustrating if it was brought up to you like "Hey Amanda - if you and Brandon ever want a night alone before Eli comes, I would LOVE to take Noah for a night!", rather than "You know, you should let me take Noah for the night so you can get some good rest and some time alone with Brandon." I just think when it's said like it's something you SHOULD do, it's easy to get upset and feel criticized. You are an EXCELLENT mother, and I'm not saying at all that you're being defensive, my point is just that I don't understand why people feel the need to force their advice on other people. ANd if they're pushing it on you all the time, it gets harder and harder to say "I really appreciate your offer, but I'm just not ready for it." Ugh.
I have been thinking on this topic. Thinking when was the first time I let my kids spend the night some where. I would say they were at least 2 or 3. K, well K spent a lot of time with my mom, but very seldom did he sleep over. J not so much she was a totally mommy's girl and was attached to my hip. R, the first time I can think of her spending the night (the WHOLE night) somewhere was when we were bringing C home (so after three).
C (besides hospital which doesn't count) he has never spent the night anywhere. And he won't until he is 35. =0)
Anyway after my story time. You need to do what it right for you. Your comment on CM I think was 100% right.
to me, there is a BIG differencce between necessity (karianne), the occasional break (all of us!), & spending half of every week for NO good reason with some one other than mom & dad. i just think babies NEED their parents, mom especially. you are their primary source of comfort, & stability & love. & i just don't think that relationship can be established without a lot of effort on mom & dad's part. especially for moms who can't or choose not to stay home, night times are just that much more important. when else can you bond & learn your child?
ok, i'm off my soapbox. nuff said. you know you're doing the right thing by your boys, amanda-- they are lucky little men to have such a devoted mom!
I couldn't agree more! It would be totally different if you WANTED a break and felt like you wanted him to sleep somewhere else. Or if there were situations that it was more out of necessity or even easier...but if you are happy with him being there every night, that's all that matters! Why do people feel the need to tell you what YOU should do? I have no clue!!?!?! And most importantly, Noah is obviously happy! :)
I'll get my 2 cents in, too! My own belief is when someone tries to pressure someone into doing something they are not comfortable doing, it's for selfish reasons - maybe to validate what they themselves are doing, maybe to get what they personally want, etc., etc., and etc. You just keep on making decisions for Noah based on what you and Brandon feel is in Noah's best interest. You're doing a great job - Noah is developing into a secure, self-confident little boy!
Post a Comment